When Everything Feels Out of Control
The day I found out I had cancer, I felt like I'd been pushed off a cliff.
One moment I was standing on solid ground—planning projects, booking vacations, thinking about my future—and the next, I was in free fall. My calendar was suddenly filled with doctor's appointments instead of business meetings. My Google searches shifted from industry trends to survival rates. My conversations with loved ones became weighted with words like "treatment," "prognosis," and "side effects."
If you're reading this, perhaps you know exactly how this feels.
For those of us accustomed to being in charge—running departments, leading teams, managing households with military precision—cancer's chaos feels particularly cruel. It strips away the illusion of control we've carefully constructed throughout our successful lives.
"How can I possibly handle this?" becomes the question that keeps you up at night. "I can't control what's happening in my own body. How do I move forward when everything feels so uncertain?"
I remember thinking: If I could just organize cancer the way I organize my work projects, maybe it wouldn't feel so overwhelming.
And then I realized: Maybe I can.
Why You Need a Control Inventory Now
Here's a truth I discovered that transformed my cancer journey: While you can't control cancer itself, you can control your response to it. And more importantly, there are specific areas where your control directly impacts your outcomes.
The problem? Most women waste precious energy in all the wrong places.
They exhaust themselves researching every possible outcome (most of which never happen). They deplete their emotional reserves trying to manage other people's feelings about their diagnosis. They obsess over aspects of treatment that are entirely in their doctor's hands while neglecting the areas where their choices make a real difference.
The result is exhaustion before treatment even begins.
What you need is a systematic way to distinguish between what you can control, what you can influence, and what you can only observe with concern. This distinction—what I call a "Control Inventory"—becomes your roadmap through the chaos.
When I created my first Control Inventory, something shifted inside me. The paralyzing anxiety didn't disappear, but it loosened its grip. I stopped wasting precious energy fighting against unchangeable realities and redirected it toward areas where my actions could make a difference.
The Three Spheres You Need to Identify
The Control Inventory framework divides your cancer experience into three distinct spheres:
1. Direct Control: Your True Power Center
This sphere includes everything you have complete power over. Think of your thoughts, your questions, your daily habits, your boundaries with others, and how you prepare for medical appointments.
This is where your power lives. No matter what cancer takes from you, it cannot take away your ability to choose your response.
2. Sphere of Influence: Where You Have Impact
These are areas where you have some impact, but not complete control. This includes the quality of communication with your medical team, the support you receive from loved ones, and your body's response to supportive care strategies.
You can influence these areas through your actions and choices, but you cannot completely control the outcomes.
3. Sphere of Concern: What You Must Accept
These are things that matter to you but lie beyond your control. This includes the biology of your cancer cells, how quickly your body responds to treatment, and other people's reactions to your diagnosis.
Focusing too much energy here leads to frustration and stress, draining you of the energy you need for healing.
Why Most Women Get This Wrong
Here's where most high-achieving women stumble: they pour their limited energy into the Sphere of Concern (the things they can't control) while neglecting the Sphere of Direct Control (where their power actually lives).
You've built your career and life on taking action and solving problems. When cancer enters the picture, that same drive to control outcomes can actually work against you if it's misdirected.
When I was diagnosed, I initially poured enormous energy into researching every possible outcome, spending hours in online forums reading other women's experiences, and obsessing over every potential scenario.
Did this help me? Not at all. It exhausted me before treatment even began.
The true power of a Control Inventory comes from redirecting your focus and energy toward what matters most—the areas where your choices and actions make a real difference.
The Transformation Waiting for You
Creating and using a proper Control Inventory can transform your entire cancer experience. Consider what happened for my client Sarah, a 52-year-old marketing executive:
"Before I created my Control Inventory, I was spending hours every night researching survival statistics and worst-case scenarios. I was trying to manage everyone else's emotions about my diagnosis while my own were in chaos. I was exhausted, anxious, and feeling completely powerless."
"After identifying what actually fell into my Direct Control sphere, everything shifted. I redirected my energy toward preparing for appointments, creating daily self-care rituals, and setting clear boundaries with well-meaning but overwhelming friends. Within two weeks, my anxiety decreased significantly. I slept better. I made clearer decisions. Most importantly, I stopped feeling like a victim and started feeling like a leader of my healing journey."
Sarah's experience isn't unique. I've seen this transformation happen repeatedly with women who implement a proper Control Inventory system.
What You Need to Do Next
You need a Control Inventory system that:
Clearly identifies what falls into each of the three spheres for your specific situation
Provides a practical framework for daily decision-making
Includes strategies for redirecting your focus when you catch yourself spiraling into the Sphere of Concern
Contains methods for communicating boundaries based on your inventory
Offers techniques for finding peace with the aspects you cannot control
With the right system, you'll experience:
Decreased anxiety and improved sleep
Clearer decision-making regarding treatment options
More energy for healing instead of worrying
A renewed sense of agency in your cancer journey
Stronger boundaries with others during this vulnerable time
This Is Just the Beginning
The Control Inventory is one of the many mindset tools I share in my book "Win the Fight." While understanding the concept can shift your perspective, the detailed implementation system in the book is what will truly transform your experience from victim to victor.
In "Win the Fight," you'll discover:
The complete step-by-step Control Inventory system, including worksheets and examples
Scripts for setting boundaries based on your inventory categories
Daily practices to reinforce your focus on areas of Direct Control
The "Reset Protocol" for when you find yourself fixating on what you can't control
Real-life examples of how high-achieving women have used this system to transform their cancer journey
If just reading about the Control Inventory concept resonated with you, imagine what implementing the complete system could do for your sense of empowerment during this challenging time.
Your cancer story is still being written. Make sure you're the one holding the pen.